PopBitch says War! "I'm getting more famouser by the day" - Avril Lavigne --------------------------------------------------- POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 12.03.03 *ISSUE 155* Subscribe or unsubscribe: http://www.popbitch.com Email: hello@popbitch.com * Avril Lavinge is as dumb as a box of hair * War, what is it good for? Everything! * Charts: Gareth's Comic Relief cover tops chart --------------------------------------------------- *************************************************** >> Popbitch Pledge Drive << Want to carry on receiving popbitch? Subscribe/donate: http://www.popbitch.com/appeal (We only need £3 million to hire Ricky Martin) *************************************************** >> Murdering Bass-a-like << Lance Bass clone shoots man A man on trial in San Antonio for murder claims his resemblance to NSync's Lance Bass led him to kill another man. Richard Brown is on trial for fatally shooting Eric Acosta during a party in January, after Acosta and some other men starting taunting him and making fun of the fact he resembled Bass. "They threatened to cut him up and said 'we'll take care of you pretty boy and you won't be looking like Lance Bass much longer,'" says Brown's lawyer. Lance Bass is not in space. photos: http://www.jcchasez.nu/news/030603.htm --------------------------------------------------- Eminem is up for the Tommy Vercetti role in the mooted Grand Theft Auto: Vice City movie. --------------------------------------------------- >> The sexual world of Geri Halliwell << Cobwebs forming on on ginger entrance What you missed from Geri's ghastly performance on Howard Stern's show: * She tried lesbianism but did not like it. She liked breasts but not the southern hemisphere of a female. * She has not had sex for ages and has had only one snog the entire year so far. * If she did have sex, she would not do anal. * She does not masturbate. (FTI: a former boyfriend of Geri in the music industry said she never had an orgasm with him.) --------------------------------------------------- Gruesome twosome: Trinny (of Trinny and Susannah) and Liz Hurley. --------------------------------------------------- >> Big Questions << Blind items leading the blind Which African-American movie star shagged a Polynesian beauty, only to find that she was in fact a lady boy from Samoa? There's no danger of a kiss-and-tell, though - as the poor tranny was later thrown to his death from a sixth floor window. Conspiracy! Which spicey star's svelte look is aided by snorting half of columbia every weekend? A couple of weeks ago she went to Cafe de Paris but was too paranoid to go in - so sat in the car while her friend went in and scored, and then went back to his house for a chang-fest. --------------------------------------------------- Simon Fuller set all the Spice Girls up with their own companies: Posh's was called Moody, Scary's Moneyspider, Sporty's Red Girl and Baby's Monsta. --------------------------------------------------- >> Popbitch Say War! << George Bush better than George Michael We're against violence and suffering, but the anti-war movement is so horribly smug that we've decided that war is the best option. Here are some reasons why George should press the button: 1 George Michael's anti-war dirge is the worst thing he's ever done and if it gets more publicity/success we might never again see the disco genius behind tracks like Outside and Fastlove. (ps stop smoking the weed, George) 2. All those smart bombs look good on TV. 3. Sigue Sigue Sputnik will re-release Love Missile F1-11 when war with Iraq starts. See what SSS look like now: http://www.sputnikworld.com/ 4. It'll piss off Bono. (FYI: The US Congress have responded to the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys by renaming French fries Freedom fries). --------------------------------------------------- The Clash were seen in the toilets of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inauguration getting told off for constantly taking the piss out of Sting. --------------------------------------------------- >> My big fat Greek singer << Moira Stewart in Bassey confusion Nigelnige writes: "Moira Stewart, the BBC newsreader, is a big Demis Roussos fan. She met him in the BBC reception at Television Centre. He was absolutely brilliant with her and smothered her with affection. "Moira was on cloud nine... until she found out that Demis had just mistaken her for Shirley Bassey." --------------------------------------------------- Prince is in talks to play Glastonbury next year. --------------------------------------------------- >> Avril Lavinge is as dumb as a box of hair << Understanding words is too complicated Poor Avril Lavinge. She gave up her education to be a teen pop millionaire and now she's finding life a bit complicated. Interviews have been going badly because she doesn't always understand the questions. So her label has hired an interpreter to help - for interviews with US journalists. In English. (FYI: The words Avril has had most difficulty with recently? "Mutate" and "Defiance".) --------------------------------------------------- Lauren Ambrose from Six Feet Under is really Lauren D'Ambruoso - and a trained opera singer. --------------------------------------------------- >> Blur vs Oasis explained << Cherchez la slapper, etc Slackhack writes: "In the Live Forever Britpop documentary, Damon Albarn says he won't mention the real reason why Oasis and Blur fell out. Everyone thinks it was Justine. But it wasn't. Damo was having an affair with Lisa Moorish - Liam nicked her off him." --------------------------------------------------- Sting's table wore earplugs through the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame show. How rock and roll. --------------------------------------------------- >> S Club Countdown << Ticking off the days until the split This week's sign that S Club are splitting up: Jon's been in Cameron Mackintosh's offices auditioning for the role of Marius in Les Miserables. (FYI: Paul's heavy metal band seems to have broken up). ------------------------------------------------------ Amanda Holden is still on Les Dennis' ansaphone. It says "Les and I can't come to the phone right now". ----------------------------------------------------- >> Gadget, Sensible, Smiley... << The dreadful names of Steps It seems hard to believe now that Steps were Britain's biggest pop band for several years. Put on Step One or Steptastic now and you can't help thinking, "Christ. Did they always sound this shit?" However, their career could have been much shorter, if the Spice-like nicknames their record company created for them had been publicised, rather than quickly binned. Claire: "Gadget Steps" Lee: "Sensible Steps" Faye: "Smiley Steps" Ian: "Hyperactive Steps" Lisa: "Party Steps" --------------------------------------------------- The Easton in Brett Easton Ellis is made up. His publisher just thought it sounded better than plain Brett Ellis. --------------------------------------------------- >> Reasons to be cheerful << Music to stroke otters by Music things we're looking forward to this year: 1. Belle and Sebastian are working with Trevor Horn 2. The Strokes are recording their second album with Nigel Godrich (Radiohead) 3. Mary J Blige is back working with P Diddy 4. P Diddy's Ibiza-oriented dance tracks with Felix da Housecat 5. Queens of the Stone Age to replace Dave Grohl as guest drummer with Phil Collins. (hopefully) cont'd....
--------------------------------------------------- Manic Street Preachers now own a posh private members club in Cardiff. --------------------------------------------------- >> Matthew Perry is coming to town << So lay in the supplies of Vicodin Pill fiend Matthew Perry is the latest US star to bid for credibility with a theatre stint in London's West End. He'll soon be appearing in David Mamet's Sexual Peversity In Chicago. As part of his deal, he wants: 24 hour driver and limo Two 24 hour security guards And: "A loft-style apartment, with views, in London's Convent Garden like the one that Tom Cruise had in Vanilla Sky". (Apparently you should contact Mark at Old Vic Productions if you have such an apartment to rent....) --------------------------------------------------- Guests on the upcoming Beastie Boys album include Beck, Norah Jones, Flea, Q-Tip & Phife Diggy, The Neptunes and Snoop Dogg. --------------------------------------------------- >> Merry Cuntmas << Ross Kemp's brother marries pottymouth Sun editor Rebekah Wade's brother-in-law (Ross Kemp's brother) is married to a mail-order bride from South East Asia who speaks very little English. Apparently one of the few words she does know is 'cunt'. And spent much of the Kemp-Wade family Christmas this year muttering it at the dinner table. -------------------------------------------------- Bryan Adams phone ringtone is... Summer of '69. -------------------------------------------------- >> Things To Make You Go Hmm... << Geri, Jemini, Helena and other such vileness Tatu's svengali Ivan Shapovalov studied film directing at UCLA. He attributes Tatu's worldwide success to "the dramatic emptiness of Western images." He says "the source of drama is where life and death exist in proximity. In Russia they are closer to one another". Talent void Geri Halliwell has managed to become a judge on All American Girl. http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/allamericangirl/index.html The new Outkast release will be a double album, consisting of a solo album each by Dre ("Love Hater") and Boi ("Stereobox"). Dre is also starting up a rock band. Helena Christianson was pictured DJing at Sketch last week. Luckily in the photos you couldn't see the girl crouching under the decks who was really putting on CDs. Britain's Eurovision entry Jemini is our worst yet. But Germany has chosen Lou, with a song written by Ralph Siegel, the man who wrote Nicole's winning entry in the 80s, "A Little Peace". It's well targeted at the Eurovision audience - the chorus goes "Let's get happy and let's be gay". Put your money on it now. >> Chart Predictions << New entries for Sunday 16th March ++ Number One GARETH GATES Spirit in the Sky Pop Idol rival Will Young spotted last weekend in Amsterdam's excellent spliff and tranny restaurant the Supper Club. ++ Top Ten J-LO FEAT LL COOL J All I Have Described by her first husband as a "cold heartless modern-day Elizabeth Taylor:" DELTA GOODREM Born to Try Neighbours star - this track was featured earlyier this year on the show. 50 CENT In Da Club Just bought a bulletproof vest for his six-year old son Marquis. SHANIA TWAIN Ka-Ching Aged 13, Shania used worked as part of her father's reforestation crew. She's good with an axe and a chainsaw. PLACEBO Bitter End Their unlikely cover of Boney M's Daddy Cool is excellent. ++ Top Twenty MISSY ELLIOT FEAT LUDACRIS Gossip Things Ldacris appears in forthcoming movie 2 Fast 2 Furious. SUGABABES Shape Features vocal help from Sting. THRILLS One Horse Town Just won Best Newcomer award at the Irish Music Awards, the Meteors. OK GO Get Over It Four piece rock band weighs total of 624 pounds. ++ Top Forty CARDIGANS For What Its Worth Nina Persson's brunette transformation is the least flattering since Gwyneth's. PORN KINGS/FLIP AND FILL Shake Ya Shimmy Don't buy it. >> End Bit << Help Popbitch! Please email us: stories, news, gossip hello@popbitch.com Thanks this week to: DS, M, DJ, MBS, SS, plastiktom, PB, SS, bumpy_knuckles, nathanial, nigelnige, godzilla, DP, germanycalling, SS, TW flossie, bigdog, 2manydjs, buzzinfly, razorfish, 0898, john, doc_d, avianca_bag, slackhack, supercrass, ****************************************** Send presents, food, bribes etc - *Sony for the Ozzy, Kelly Osbourne, Clash and Aaliyah albums *VH1 for Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inauguration trip *www.smokebush.co.uk for the t shirts *Jameson for the whisky * Momentum Pictures for the Blue Crush cardboad cut out Popbitch, Charter House, 2 Farringdon Rd, London EC1M 3HP ****************************************** Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. Web hosting by: http://www.thebunker.net Subscribe or unsubscribe: http://www.popbitch.com Advertise on popbitch.com for £10: http://www.popbitch.com/cgi-bin/board... Old Jokes' Home: Q What have a Pelican and a Tax Inspector got in common? A They can both stick their bills up their arse Still bored: Maurice Gibb was uncircumcised. See the autopsy report: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/mgibb2.html, *************************************************** >> Popbitch Pledge Drive << Do you like receiving popbitch? Subscribe/donate: http://www.popbitch.com/appeal ***************************************************
