Bart Simpson Chalkboard Lines Bart Simpson Chalkboard Lines: I will not waste chalk I will not skateboard in the halls I will not burp in class I will not instigate revolution I will not draw naked ladies in class I did not see Elvis I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" Garlic gum is not funny They are laughing at me, not with me I will not yell "FIRE" in a crowded classroom I will not encourage others to fly Tar is not a plaything I will not Xerox my butt I will not trade pants with others I am not a 32 year old woman I will not do that thing with my tongue I will not drive the principals car I will not pledge allegiance to Bart I will not sell school property I will not cut corners I will not get very far with this attitude I will not make flatulent noises in class I will not belch the National Anthem I will not sell land in Florida I will not grease the monkey bars I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment I will not do anything bad ever again I will not show off I will not sleep through my education I am not a dentist Spit wads are not free speech Nobody likes sunburn slappers High explosives and school don't mix I will not squeak chalk I will finish what I sta "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender Underwear should be worn on the inside The Christmas pageant does not stink I will not torment the emotionally frail I will not carve goods I will not spank others I will not aim for the head I will not barf unless I'm sick I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge I will not conduct my own fire drills Funny noises are not funny I will not spin the turtle I will not snap bras I will not fake seizures This punishment is not boring and pointless My name is not Dr. Death I will not defame New Orleans I will not bury the new kid I will not teach others to fly I will not bring sheep to class A burp is not an answer Teacher is not a leper Coffee is not a drink for kids I will not eat things for money I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call The Principal's toupee is not a Frisbee I will not call the principal "Spud Head" Goldfish don't bounce Mud is not one of the 4 food groups No-one is interested in my underpants I will not sell miracle cures I will return the Seeing Eye dog I do not have diplomatic immunity I will not charge admission to the bathroom I will never win an Emmy The cafeteria deep friar is not a toy All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy I will not say Springfield just to get applause I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man I will not go near the kindergarten turtle I am not delightfully saucy Organ transplants are best left to the professionals The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan" I will not celebrate meaningless milestones There are plenty of businesses like show business I will not retransmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball Five days is not too long to wait for a gun Beans are neither fruit nor musical I will not use abbrev. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. I will not send lard through the mail I will not dissect things unless instructed I will not whittle hall passes out of soap Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it OK to insult the Principal "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice Cursive writing doesn't mean what I think it does Next time it could be me on the scaffolding I will not hang donuts on my person I will remember to take my medication I will not strut around like I own the place The good humour man can only be pushed so far I do not have the power of attorney over first grader Nerve gas is not a toy I will not mock Mrs Dumbface The first amendment does not cover burping This is not a clue...Or is it? I will not complain about the solution when I hear it "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism I am not a lean mean spitting machine No-one wants to hear from my armpits The boys room is not a water park Indian burns are not our cultural heritage Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things I will stop talking about the 12 inch pianist I am not certified to remove asbestos I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten The truth is not out there I am not licensed to do anything I will not hide the teachers Prozac A fire drill does not demand a fire I no longer want my MTV Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story I did not invent Irish dancing I will not tease fatty There was no Roman God named "Fartacus" Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related Shooting paintballs is not an art form Pain is not the cleanser Silly string is not a nasal spray I was not told to do this My butt does not deserve it's own website I will not demand what I'm worth I am not the new Dalia Lama I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" I will not file frivolous lawsuits Butt.butt is not my e-mail address No-one cares what my definition of "is" is I will not scream for ice cream I am not a licensed hairstylist "The President did it" is not an excuse My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld Sherri does not "got back" I will not do the dirty bird No-one wants to hear about my sciatica Hillbillies are people too Grammar is not a time of waste I do not have diplomatic immunity It does not suck to be you I cannot absolve sins A trained ape could not teach gym Loose teeth don't need my help I have neither been there nor done that I'm so very tired Friday’s are not “pants optional” Pork is not a verb I am not the last Don I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize I won’t use not double-negatives I can’t see dead people I will not sell my kidney on eBay I will not create art from dung I will stop phoning it in Class clown in not a paid position Substitute teachers are not scabs My suspension was not “mutual” A belch is not an oral report Dodge ball stops at the gym door “Non-flammable” is not a challenge I was not touched “there” by an angel
